So – He’s just not that into me?

For some reason I decided to watch the romantic comedy ‘He’s Just Not That Into You’ last night. Normally I’m not the biggest fan of rom-coms. I used to be, when I was younger. I would watch them and spend the following days daydreaming myself into the part of the beautiful lead actress’ role. Or sometimes imagine the boy I had a crush on doing and saying exactly the same things the dashing hero in the movie had done and said.

I’m not sure exactly when all that stopped – sometime during my 10-year-long relationship. At first because I didn’t want to feel the disappointment of realizing that life isn’t a romantic comedy. Later I think it was because I didn’t want my ex to get any romantic ideas (that was probably around the time I should have ended things, but that’s a whole other story).

But once in a while I happen to stumble across a rom-com that’s worth watching like ‘Love Actually’ or ‘He’s Just Not That Into You’. One of the reasons I like the latter so much is because the moral isn’t only “love will come if you just wait”. It’s also “sometimes living without love is better than living with a love that hurts”. And that just seems very right.

So I decided to watch it again last night – the first time since becoming single almost 18 months ago. And I have to admit that my impression this time was a bit different. I still like the film and the moral. But for the first time I really and truly understood all the frustrations and disappointments the women in the movie feel. I understood the desperate longing to analyze and re-analyze every single little message and look that one special guy (at least of that week) sends. And then doing it all over with different girlfriends until enough of them convince you that you’re absolutely right in whatever it is you want to hear.

But it also got me thinking about the whole dating thing from a man’s point of view. As the title suggests, one of the points of the film is that if a guy really likes a girl then he’ll make sure she knows it. The end. So if he doesn’t answer the phone or text you or email you, well… Then he’s just not that into you! But is that really true? Do men have absolutely no problems telling a woman that they like her? Are they never nervous about asking her out? I’m sure they don’t spend hours with their friends going through the significance of the different kinds of smileys the woman sent him. But don’t they ever think about how long time has to pass before answering a text? Because honestly – that just doesn’t seem fair.

Alright, the film does show how crazy men can get if they really like a woman. But it just seems… different. As if a women chasing a man is desperate, but a man chasing a woman is romantic or passionate. And that doesn’t seem fair either. So are the rules different for men and women? I’d really like to know, cause while I have 10-years worth of relationship experience I know absolutely nothing about dating.

By the way, I plan on blogging a lot more in the future. I’ve gotten a job in Cairo and will be moving there in a week, so hopefully there’ll be plenty of new and interesting impressions to share.

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2 Responses to So – He’s just not that into me?

  1. Marian Larsen says:

    Held og lykke i Cairo, det glæder jeg mig til at høre om 🙂

  2. I chased a guy for half a year. Rang his door bell, afterwards send him an email telling him I rang his door bell earlier that day. I asked him out and other things. That guy is now my boyfriend and is totally in love with me. So sometime it’s not bad to be a little “desperate”, I think I would rather call it persistent instead of desperate.

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